


Total Jerk-Off

by Blink_Blue



Series: Tumblr Prompts (MacDennis) [2]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Episode: s05e09 Mac and Dennis Break Up, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11593032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blink_Blue/pseuds/Blink_Blue
Summary: Mac is sure of one thing. He's definitely not jealous of video store clerk guy. Definitely not.





	Total Jerk-Off

Mac has never been a man good with words. Not like Dennis, who somehow manages to say what he’s thinking before he even figures it out himself. It’s like sometimes the words just get jumbled up in his head when he tries to get them out.

It shouldn’t be hard. It’s just plain English. But sometimes it drives him nuts.

Like when they get back to their apartment and Mac sees the damn Transporter 2 DVD sitting on their coffee table. The lighthearted laughter fades from his throat. It might be the six rum and cokes, or maybe it’s something else that hits him as a wave of discomfort flips his stomach over.

Dennis had gone into the kitchen and is already bringing back two beers. He eyes the DVD case in Mac’s hands as he takes a drink from one of the bottles, setting the other on the coffee table for the other man.

“Hey, I’m still down for a movie if you are,” Dennis says lightly, plopping down on the couch with a grin.

Mac snorts under his breath. “Too bad all we have is Transporter 2,” he says derisively.

“Well, we don’t have to watch it. I mean, we’ve got some other DVDs…”

“Hm,” Mac grimaces. It’s a bitter scowl across his face. His mood has taken a sharp turn for the worse. “You know, suddenly I’m not really feelin’ it, man.”

Dennis blinks up at him. “What are you talking about?”

Mac smacks the cover of the DVD against his fingertips. He paces the way he does when he’s anxious or pissed off, or just plain bothered by something he can’t quite put into words.

“I still don’t understand why you decided to get this dumb movie.” He waves the case in the air to demonstrate. “I mean, we had a plan, dude! You were supposed to get Predator, and it was supposed to be  _our_ night. But you didn’t stick to the plan! Why, Dennis? Why?”

“We’ve been over this,” Dennis says helplessly, as he remembers how terrible it was trying to watch the movie at Dee’s apartment with no one paying attention to him. It’s a situation he’d rather avoid again at all costs. “I just… I thought it wouldn’t hurt to try something new for a change.”

“Right,” Mac scoffs. “Something new.”

“What’s up with you, dude? I thought we were over this!”

“Well, now I’m pissed off again!” Mac shouts, pointing an accusatory finger. “You’ve set me off!”

“Me?” Dennis screeches. “You’re the one throwing another hissy fit!”

“Oh, I’ve had it with you and your… your… uh…” Mac squeezes his eyes shut and mentally scratches his brain. “The way you always, with your stupid-”

“Self-righteousness?” Dennis offers helpfully.

“Yes!” Mac snaps his fingers loudly. “Your goddamn self-righteousness! You always think you’re right and you never admit when you’re wrong!”

Dennis sighs heavily. “I don’t want to argue with you, Mac! I feel like I’ve been arguing all day. Is this really about the DVD? I promise that I will never get a different movie without consulting you first? How about that?”

Mac grits his teeth. No, that’s not good enough. “It’s not about the DVD,” he mutters angrily. “It’s about  _you_ taking advice from some  _jerk-off_ video store clerk guy, and completely boning me with it!”

Dennis gapes at him wordlessly so Mac takes that as a sign to plow ahead. “It’s like,  _who is this dude,_ you know? Just some stranger that you met, and suddenly  _our_ plans are changing! Explain that to me, Dennis! How is this asshole ruining  _my_ night?”

“I’m… I’m sorry, dude.” Dennis stammers.

“I’m just-” Mac sighs and gives his head a hard shake. “I’m getting all worked up over it!”

“Yeah, you are.”

“Don’t you tell me what I am!” Mac shouts senselessly.

“Mac, calm down!” Dennis raises his hand in defensive. “I think I know what this is,” he says quietly. “I think I know what you’re feeling.”

Mac furrows his eyebrows. “What am I feeling?”

“Mac, are you… are you jealous?”

“Jealous?” Mac makes a sound between a snort and a laugh, as if that’s the craziest thing he’s ever heard. “Of what? Video store clerk guy? No. No, no, no. Of course I’m not jealous!”

Dennis raises an eyebrow. “It really seems like you are. I was just asking the guy for a recommendation. I mean, we barely spoke-”

“I don’t know,” Mac drawls sarcastically. “You certainly seemed to take your sweet time at the store!”

Dennis’ eyes light up. “So you are jealous!”

“Shut up! No, I’m not!” Mac’s fingers clench painfully over the DVD case in his hands. “I’m gonna snap this goddamn DVD in half!” He growls, twisting the plastic case between his fingers.

“Oh, come on, Mac!” Dennis whines, watching him fail pathetically to even put a crease in the thing, not for a lack of trying. “The only thing you’re going to do is get me a fine from the video store.”

“If I’m lucky, I’ll get you banned for life!” Mac strains until he’s finally got a slight bend to the case. “You son of bitch!” There’s a clear bend in the ruined plastic when he finally gives up and tosses it onto the coffee table, huffing from his exertion. He hopes the DVD inside is ruined, but his arms are too tired at the moment to check for sure.

Dennis snorts, clearly unimpressed by his efforts. He does reach for the other beer though and gestures it up to Mac, who wordlessly accepts before collapsing next to him on the couch.

“I don’t ever want to hear you talk about video store clerk guy again,” Mac growls before taking a drink.

“You’re getting worked up over nothing, Mac.” Dennis casually reaches for the remote and turns the television on.

“Don’t diminish my feelings, Dennis!” The other man rolls his eyes and continues to click through the channels.

“I’m not diminishing your feelings, Mac.”

“Yes, you are! You’re… you’re…”

“Belittling you?”

“GODDAMNIT!”

Of course, they spend the rest of their night bickering like the old married couple Dee accused them of being. There were some laughs too, and a lot more beer. Dennis didn’t even complain when Mac went on a tangent about the male models working out on a late night home gym infomercial.

It’s not until years later that Mac is finally able to admit to himself that Dennis was definitely right about one thing. After all, Dennis knows him better than he knows himself. And Mac never did let them go back to that video store.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi! ([x](http://winters-blue-children.tumblr.com))


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